The Basics of Wedding Etiquette

Wedding Etiquettes are not over and done. They are as significant and crucial as they always have been. Though people consider that rules are meant to be broken, certain rules cannot be bent after a certain extent and Wedding Etiquettes belong to this kind. Every one of us will still agree that Wedding Etiquettes are still being followed in some way or the other.

The history of Wedding Etiquettes dates back to the Victorian era which takes us back to the early nineteenth century, the 1800s to be precise. The Victorians were sharp, decorous and knowledgeable which made them do everything in the most orderly and the most appropriate manner possible. They valued social behavior and manners and thus had a proper Etiquette for doing things including marriages. It should be noted that a number of books on Wedding Etiquette were published during this period.

Every country, every culture and every creed in the world follows its own set of Wedding Etiquettes. Some of them might be common while many of them might be different and distinctive to a particular culture.

The fundamental Wedding Etiquettes that we are altering and employing as per our requirements and wishes, basically belongs to the Victorians. All the primary Wedding Etiquettes used by the westerners have been inherited from the Victorians.

A great deal about Wedding Etiquette has been emphasized in the book on Wedding Etiquette by the renowned Miss Manners, Emily Post. Discussed below are few very important primary aspects of Wedding Etiquettes relating to conceiving an invitation, distribution of invitation to family and friends, etiquette to be followed while acknowledging the invite, in attending the ceremony, protocol for guests and the gifting manners.

1. The Bridegroom And The Bride

Decision has to be made regarding the degree of formality of the marriage ceremony. In case a formal ceremony is planned, the invite being sent must be formally addressed. If it’s just going to be close family and friends, an informal invite would do.

Invites should be sent at least four to six weeks prior to the wedding and in case of a destination wedding, a save a date card has to be sent to all the guests seven to nine months preceding the date of the wedding giving them ample time to prepare themselves for the ceremony monetarily as well as bodily.

A bride has to stick to the dress code of the church in case the wedding is set to take place at the church. Otherwise, she is free to choose the design and color of her wedding gown. ? The groom may sport a black tie or a suit. In case of a beach wedding, beige pants can also be worn.

Cash gifts should not be asked for, by the couple. Online wedding registry must be mentioned in the invitation. The registry card must not be enclosed with the invitation.

The mother or the step-mother, who ever is dearer to the bride must be seated in the first pew. If both of them are equally chummy, the mother should be made to sit in the first pew.

2. If You Are The Guest

Acknowledgment of receipt of invitation should be given as soon as possible within a couple of weeks before the wedding. It should also be made known to the couple if you would be attending the wedding or not, so that the couple can calculate the number of persons whose presence would be there for the luncheon or dinner, as the case may be.

In case of a formal invite, it is implied that the guests have to be dressed formally. In such a case, evening gowns should not be worn by women.

Guests are not indebted to get a gift as per the registry and they are not compelled to send gifts if they cannot be present for the wedding.

Lastly, in case they are planning to send gifts to the couple, it has to be sent to their new address within one year of the wedding.

Miss Manners On Wedding Etiquette For Brides

The most renowned Miss Manners, Emily Post has now been followed by a lot of other people who have become specialists in the field and have themselves become Miss Manners on Wedding Etiquette. Presented here, are a few tips which would help all you blushing brides out there to get a grip on the Miss Manners you need to follow as per Wedding Etiquette.

#1. The wedding gown

According to Miss Manners, the modern day Wedding Etiquette is not all that stern. Brides of today do not have to stick to the traditional ultra white, cream and beige wedding gowns. They can rather experiment with their favorite pastels or even with any color which would go along with the theme especially in case of a Destination wedding. An aquamarine or turquoise colored gown to match the fresh sea water is a great option in case of a beach wedding.

It is more important that you select a dress which would compliment your skin tone and the one which would, at the same time, accentuate your curves in the best way possible.


#2. The shoes

Ankle strap and open toed wedding shoes are allowed by Wedding Etiquette say, Miss Manners and white is no more the indispensable color for the wedding shoe. Cream, beige, ivory or even a red colored shoe can be worn to go with a wedding gown in ultra white.

In this regard, comfort and style score high. Miss Manners say, less ornamented shoes are most preferred, though rhinestones do not confront Wedding Etiquette in any way.

#3. Announcement of the engagement

For the first time brides, the most economic and simple way to announce the engagement to close friends and family is during a dinner. However, in case you are ready to burn a hole in your pocket, an engagement ball can be hosted specially for this purpose or an announcement can be made for the same in newspapers, say Miss Manners.

Miss Manners suggest second time brides to speak to their kids before making an announcement in public. Secondly, it is necessary to discuss about the plans to their parents prior to their ex-spouse. Wedding Etiquette is, however, not breached if the bride, who may not have an offspring from her ex-spouse, has neglected to tell him about the engagement. Unless the bride has joint custody of children with her ex-spouse, she is completely free from any kind of obligation towards him.

#4. Who are to be invited?

In the opinion of Miss Manners, it is totally in the hands of the hosts of the wedding to actually decide who are to be invited and who can be avoided or neglected. However, the parents can have a say, in case they host the wedding jointly. In general, it is the bridegroom and the bride who decide who are to be invited, as it is the day of their lives.

The bride’s father cannot invite the ex-guy or ex-spouse of the bride, who may be his best employee, if the bride and/or groom are not fine with it, though he might be the one who has hosted the wedding.

#5. Cash gifts and wedding registry

Cash gifts are a complete no-no as stated by Miss Manners. It is one of the greatest errors of Wedding Etiquette. Miss Manners also say that asking for a cash gift would make the groom and the bride look materialistic. Miss Manners is not in favor of persistence of cash gifts even if it is for the purpose of charity.

Wedding registry cards are fine with Miss Manners though they should not be enclosed with the invitation. Online registry is an enhanced option to inform guests who would like to gift according to the couple’s wish lists.

By following this, Wedding Etiquette is conserved and it would also present a pretty picture of the bride and groom, rather than presenting them as pushy people.

Glory At Morning Weddings

General perception among people is that a lavish wedding would make them feel great about it all through their lives. The important which we fail to consider is that it is the love between the couple which matters more than the over-the-top hype that is created. A simple sunrise wedding followed by an elegant luncheon makes more sense and gives more time for the couple to unwind and start with their lives on a happy note.

This would also help the new husband and wife, to save a great deal of money and time and would hence leave them with enormous amount of energy to perform post-wedding activities and indulge in the moments they were looking forward to.

Wedding at the early hours of a day is a different experience altogether. It gives a lot of time to unwind and enjoy once the ceremonies are over. It can be either formal or informal or even a semi-formal wedding suiting the needs and the wishes of the bride and the bridegroom. For a formal wedding, the invites have to be formal and the dress code would also be formal. A bride is supposed to wear a gown touching the floor and the veil she wears should touch the knuckle of the middle finger or the fingertips. A blusher of elbow length would look gorgeous with a fingertip veil. This is not obligatory in case of a semi-formal wedding.

The bridegroom's outfit should be in agreement with the degree of formality of the ceremony. In case of a semi-formal sunrise wedding, the groom can be clad in a suit or stroller in a dark color without tails in black or grey. On the other hand, for a formal wedding, he should sport a morning suit comprising of ascot, grey pinstripe trousers, cutaway coat and a grey vest. He can even prefer wearing a tuxedo.

However, it is necessary to coordinate the outfits of the couple in such a way that they compliment each other. A tuxedo would be too formal, in case the bride is going with a casual wedding gown.

The following are certain primary etiquettes which ought to be followed without any indifference
whether it is a morning or an evening wedding:-

It is the duty of the groomsmen and bridesmaid to assist the ceremonies if the wedding is not exactly private.

The bridesmaids have to be selected in such a way that they are younger than the bride and their outfit be in a light and elegant fabric and should match with the wedding gown of the bride.

Flowers are to be used as embellishment.

The bride's outfit has to be graceful and simple with a veil and a pretty garland. Jewels, if given by the groom or the parents can also be adorned.

The bridesmaid have to help the bride in dressing up and in receiving guests and helping them take their seats in the left side. The gloves and bouquet is to be with the first bridesmaid.

The groomsmen have to assist the groom and have to take care of the task of receiving the clergyman.

Guests should keep away from wearing dark colored dresses for a morning wedding. Breezy and subtle colored suits and dresses are preferred.

The Wedding Breakfast

The most apt Wedding Etiquette lies down that the bride has to sit in the centre table besides her husband while the parents take up the top to bottom to welcome the guests turning up. Once the cake is cut and the toast is offered to the couple, the bride and the bride groom ultimately exit the ceremony after a congregation with their near and dear ones.

The newly weds can get going with their honeymoon and other plans around two or three 'o' clock. Meanwhile, the guests can set off to their destinations.

Tipping - Shelling Out The Green Papers

*Getting a marriage done is not an easy job.
*General custom on who bears the cost .
* Present day etiquette as to who bears the expenses.
*Bride and groom also contribute towards the expenses.
*When parents offer they must not deny.

To get married these present days is not an easy job at all . It has become all expensive and one has to spend much these days. For brides you buy accessories, jewelry, arrange for the wedding coordinator, look out for a makeup artists , and much more. One has to discuss all these and make sure of the funds or resources.

Before you proceed be sure as to who takes up the expenses of the wedding. Decide and verify as to who bears the major percentage of the wedding budget.

General custom as to who shells out for the expenses of the wedding.

Wedding practice on who shells out for the expenses has developed since the last century. It is the general custom that the father of the bride spends for the wedding expenses. This was practiced during the period when the girls were locked up inside their houses and were not allowed to go for work or go to schools, but all they had to do is the household work and they had to learn the lady manners and be well trained as to how to behave after the wedding and on how to lead a life of married woman.

The daughter will get married to the person with whom her father considers as the best and he should feel that he would look after his daughter and feed her and take care of her very well .And thus he would be sending his daughter away to the groom's place , so he makes it a point host a grand wedding and accepts to pay for the expenses as an indication as to his approval of the marriage. This is the general style followed .

Present day etiquette as to who bears the expenses.

In our day the etiquette on who sponsors it is not much firm as it was long ago. The groom and his partner should go on traditional basis and it is advisable to ask the bride's father to host the party and bear the expenses of the wedding. Or if the parents have decided to co host the wedding they would let them know before and go accordingly. This is generally if the parents are well off to sponsor and meet up part of the expenses.

As these days the groom and the bride earn their living there is no harm if they can meet the expenses of the wedding themselves. Some prefer to manage their expenses as they can have a control on number of guests , who to be invited and how the party should be held.

Wedding etiquette on who shells out for the wedding is , much set aside and the guests bless the couples and the family members.

Other options of paying.

These days there is an increase cost of living , and the parent might not be in a position to sponsor the whole expenses. It might be beyond the reach of the parents. If the bride and the groom are earning their own living they might offer to pay the whole expenses.

But obviously there are parents who will want to bear a part of the expenses. The couple must be sensitive to this issue. When the parents offer to spend it is good to accept and the couple should not deny this even if their parents hand over all that they own. They have some pleasure in contributing and they enjoy the marriage. They have a major role to be paid.

It is much advisable to discuss with your parents the budget and this way you put them through an idea about the expenses to be borne.

Wedding Etiquette : What Not To Wear!

- Anything too revealing and sexy.

- A dark colored outfit for a morning wedding.

- White should be dissuaded. Especially, a white colored outfit without any prints. This is because, it would steal the limelight away from the bride.

- Jeans

- Tattered and tainted dress must not be worn.

- Too small or too big dresses are also out of question.
- If the wedding is a religious one, sleeveless and strapless dresses are to be avoided. Bare shoulders have to be covered.

Suitable Etiquette For Wedding Guests

-Punctuality is vital. It is necessary to be present in the venue of the wedding at least fifteen minutes before the start of the ceremonies so that there is enough time to find a seat and settle down.

- Purity of the wedding has to be preserved. Guests should avoid clicking pictures. They should rather let the photographers do their task properly.

- Gifts need not be brought to the venue of the wedding. They can rather be delivered to the house of the couple anytime within one year from the date of wedding.

- In case of failure to make it to the wedding, the gift becomes an essential.

- Bringing uninvited guest is considered discourteous. Bringing is permitted only if it has been mentioned in the invite.

- Getting drunk at a wedding reception is disrespectful and offensive.

- Unwanted mingling with people you hardly know should also be avoided.

Wedding Etiquette: Outfits For Wedding

There is a unique style that can be followed for every other wedding you attend depending on the location, the time and the season. If the wedding invitation is addressed formally, it implies that the guests are required to dress formally for the occasion. On the other hand, a casual invite suggests that the guests can dress casually for the wedding.

For selecting what to wear, the wedding location can be of great help. For a beach wedding or a wedding in a lawn, steer clear of high heels as they tend to sink in the sand and the grass respectively. For an outdoor wedding, very light dresses have to be shunned as they tend to get caught with the wind. A subtle dress can be worn for a wedding at a warm and humid location. However, if the wedding is to take place at a club or a five-star restaurant, you can prefer being wearing a tailored suit or any other dressy outfit.

# Outfits For The Sunshine Wedding

For the 40+ women

1. A nice fitted skirt with a sweater and sling back shoes.
2. A suit in a subtle color which is not too formal.
3. A dress with a nice floral pattern.
4. A striking hat which would go well with the outfit and would compliment it.

For the 40+ men

1. A linen or seersucker suit in a light color is the most apt outfit for a summer wedding.
2. For winter weddings, go for darker shades and warmer fabrics. Woolen suits, charcoal pants, ties and a sweater beneath the blazer are a nice option.
3. A blazer together with a dress shirt, pants and a tie is another elegant option.
4. If the wedding is before 6pm, a tuxedo can be adorned.
5. For a wedding which is formal, a dark colored suit is the best bet.


# OUTFITS FOR THE EVENING WEDDING

For the 40+ women

1. Dressing for an evening wedding should be similar to the way we dress for a theatre ordinner.
2. An elegant and not so revealing cocktail number in black is an excellent option.
3. A dressy cocktail suit is also a safe bet.
4. Sequins and beads are to be avoided if the wedding is a formal one.
5. Darker colors would help present your self in a more sophisticated way.

For the 40+ men

1. For a semi-formal or casual wedding, slacks coupled with blazer and a matching tie can be sported.
2. Suits in dark colors are always accepted and most preferred.

# FOR THE FORMAL WEDDING

For the 40+ women

1. A gorgeous cocktail dress touching the floor.

For the 40+ men

1. The dress should be really formal.
2. Tuxedo is the best option for such an occasion.

Gift Giving Cash Wedding Etiquette

There are a number of basic etiquettes which need to be followed for every move made during a wedding right from the dress to gifting to tipping. Here is a list of all the key points which need to be considered if you have decided to give cash as a present to the newly married couple.

Cash Gifting Principle 1

If a person invited for the wedding, cannot attend the wedding, he/she is not obliged to send any present and more precisely, cash gifts. However, wedding etiquette calls for the person to send a note of congratulation to the bridegroom or to the couple or a best wishes note has to be conveyed to the bride.

Cash Gifting Principle 2


The gift that you are planning to give, cash or kind may be forwarded to the bride’s house or the groom’s house if you are planning to send it before the date of the wedding. And in case you are planning to send the gift after the wedding, it must be sent to the new house of the couple within one year from the date of marriage. This would decrease the encumbrance of the couple. Cash gift is very suitable in such cases as it can be easily delivered and does need the couple to spend on transportation. Another thing is that, cash gifts would help the couple as they can use it as a form of saving till they stabilize with their lives.

Cash Gifting Principle 3

Cash present is considered ideal as it helps the newly wedded couple in a variety of ways. This cash may help the couple in getting stabilized in their lives in the initial stages post marriage. Expenses after marriage tend to be more as the couple has to pay for their apartment, get groceries and toiletries, purchase furniture and other appliances needed for the new home etc. They may also need money for many other purposes. Thus, we can safely conclude that cash presents do not defy wedding etiquettes.

Cash Gifting Principle 4

The next principle to be followed is concerned with the amount of cash which is ideal to be gifted. There is no fixed amount which can be termed the right amount of cash to be gifted. You can gift any amount according to your budget. However, the guest’s conveyance cannot be given as a gift to the newly married couple.

Cash Gifting Principle 5

Wedding registry does not oblige the guest to get the couple a gift from among it. In other words, it does not stop the guest from gifting cash. It is totally according to the wishes of the guest to decide what he likes to gift.

Now that the cash gifting etiquette for the guests has been discussed, we can proceed with the etiquettes which the couple needs to follow.

Wedding Etiquette On Gifts For The Couple

It is totally opposed to wedding etiquettes for a couple to ask for cash as gift for their wedding in any form. It is considered unpleasant to ask a guest for present in the form of cash to pay off mortgages or to fund for the honeymoon or for charitable purposes. It is considered unethical.
Asking for a present directly or indirectly makes the bride or the groom or the couple look selfish and mean even if it is for a good cause like charity. This would often make the guest less liberal.

It is necessary for the couple to send a note thanking the guest for the gift given by them whether in cash or kind. However, the decision to give gift of cash totally relies on the guest and the couple should never ask for a gift in cash.